As I woke up today, I wanted to sleep still but there’s this thought that probably made me stand up and face the day. Yes, we’ll be leaving tomorrow, leaving Pampanga for Manila.We were asked if we would like to spend weeks of this summer vacation in China yet I don’t regret choosing Pampanga over an out-of -the-country, more than two months, I preferred staying here in my dearest hometown ’cause I always know that there’s nothing like being home.
It’s really funny that I even added another playlist in my iTunes and named it “leaving”. Four songs were listed and this playlist is set in repeat as I go on with my typing activity. Maybe I just want to make sure that I’ll be in my hundred percent focus with my chosen matter of talking today.
Days ago, maybe weeks too, I was like a kid crying over this leaving-thing and I know, for sure, that it will be impossible for me to say goodbye, hug, and go without a single shed of tear running through my cheek, mababaw lang ang luha ko.
Right now, while typing this blog, believe it or not, there’s this smile and I don’t really know how this thing landed on my face. I was stressing myself with so much frustration days before. I pity my pillow for it had earned gallons of tears and I apologize to my guitar if it strings got fed up with the “The Leaving Song” of Stephen Speaks. But this time, it somehow feels lighter inside.
“At least, I was able to come back home again..” - this may sound like a pampalubag loob, but not really. Partly maybe, but not wholly, ’cause it true. I’ve been away from my home for a year, away from the old -living for that long. Though I hate following orders, I’m glad to see myself doing household chores again, I’m happy to see myself running under the rain, looking from the window, going out to buy Stick-O’s, do childish and crazy things with my family, walk the same route from my high school to our home, attend the Sunday Mass, wait for Manong “sherbet” every afternoon, be annoyed with the children shouting and playing outside, and so much more that reminded me of my old self. I missed it, I missed everyone so much and I’m more than grateful to have this chance to stay longer here.
I wish I could extend my stay for I haven’t finished checking on my list. But I don’t have any control so I should let myself live with the reality and go on.
A year ago, I felt this pain too, but it’s not as painful as before. I wasn’t as worried and afraid as that time. One whole school year in Manila made it easier for me. It’s not as strange now and that’s one thing I’m happy about. I already have my friends there that I’m now missing very much and I already have this daily routine of my every day in Manila. I somehow miss it, really.
I thank every single person I have spent time with, for those I have exchanged “how are you?” and “I missed you”, for the people who asked me “kailan ka ulit uuwi na Manila?”, you all made my heart feel much loved and I thank you. Of course, I got dismayed for some of those who didn’t seem to miss me and just didn’t mind my homecoming, but that was at first. I did my part in reaching out but I think that’s enough, I don’t need to come running after someone who don’t value me as much as I do for him/ her. I have those who really care around me and I thank them for sticking.
As I feel this watery-thing in my eyes and as the smile I had earlier started fading, in my heart, no matter how much hurt it is, I honestly feel happy. I am ready for that another ride tomorrow and just like two months ago, I’ll be seeing everyone again. Actually, I’m guessing that I already have two homes, and it feels great that no matter what home I choose to come back to, I have loved-ones waiting for me c’: I’m luckier, indeed.
I have seen this part of this summer, I was always prepared, of course. That’s life – what a cliché, but it won’t be as such if it won’t hold any truth.
Don’t worry, one year won’t feel that long as we may think, right? Until we all meet again, see you when I see you. I love you all, from the bottom of my grateful and loving heart, I won’t forget everyone. May God bless and guide us as we continue with our journey.
Mamimiss ko kayo :’/
Playlist: LEAVING
“I’ll spread my wings and I’ll learn how to fly though it’s not easy to tell you goodbye. Take a risk, take a chance, make a change, and break away. Out of the darkness and into the sun but I won’t forget the place I come from. I gotta take a risk, take a chance, make a change, and break away… break away… break away…”
“One more year, and I’ll be heading out on my own, leaving friends and the place that I call home. I don’t wanna go. I just need to know that I can come back. I need to know, I only need to know that you’ll be here when I come back home…”
“This summer is coming to a close and i’m starting to figure out that i cannot live without you. I hope you’re thinking of me, cuz all the stars above me sing your name. I’ll never be the same again. So please don’t forget to call me just to let me know you’re doing okay miles away from me…”
“We will sing, we will write, we might cry and we might fight and the good times will never end. We will laugh, we’ll relax, we’ll reflect on the years we’ve past and i know that it won’t be long.. *strums the guitar* until we meet AGAIN..”
see you later =’3
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